Wow! I am SO interested to discuss your interactions with Kyo since learning that he is also afraid of hands!! That is how our phobic 5-yr-old Bonnie is, and I need all the advice and help I can get with her!
Yes, I also think that Bonnie loves me, but is afraid of me if out of her cage. She is very affectionate through the bars of her cage -- loves to give me "beak kisses" and "nose rubs" and will even put her feet through the bars and hold onto my fingers so I cannot walk away when I am trying to say Good-bye or Good-night. She loves nightly petting through the bars just before bedtime.
One problem has been that because Bonnie is afraid of hands, but wants to be affectionate to me, she wants to play "kissy-face" with me -- she will lean out her open cage door and give me gentle nibbles all over my face. It is very sweet, and I have hated to deny her that interaction which she begs for all the time.........BUT.........she is also unpredictable and has bitten me hard enough to draw blood on a number of occasions. I have grown fearful of letting her do it, and sense her saddness, but I don't like the surprise nips!
We have had Bonnie for three years this month, and I am guessing at her age of 5 yrs -- she may be only 3 1/2 or 4 yrs old. She still was very young when we got her, but had gone through her first molt because her tail feathers were all red -- no dark maroon on the ends. I am eager to see how old a CAG is when they loose those dark-tipped tail feathers.
Anyway, over those three years Bonnie and I have worked very hard on our relationship. My husband also tried hard at first, but her phobic reactions were so severe that he backed off from actually trying to touch her and now talks and whistles to her and gives her treats.
One of my biggest concerns has been that Bonnie is cage-bound because of her fears. She does enjoy a variety of toys in her cage and plays well with them if she has not recently suffered a fright. She likes her door open so she can look out at times during the day, which I do for her when I am nearby. But no matter how much I have tried to entice and encourage her, she is very reluctant to climb onto the top of her cage and play with toys......although she had done it a few times over the years.
About once every three months or so Bonnie must understandably get "cabin fever" in her cage, and she jumps out the door with much squawking and flapping of wings, and runs and hides somewhere on the floor. I have tried EVERYTHING I can think of in those instances.......laid on the floor nearby talking softly to her for hours, offered treats, ignored her and let her be for hours, sat with my back to her or my side to her for hours, etc. etc. etc. She will chirp pitifully and flutter her wings in a begging posture, but becomes terrified if I put my hand too close. or even a favorite perch too close. I have learned that spreading a large quilt on the floor near her with the sides being held up is the APPARENTLY least stressful way to get her back into her cage. She will eventually -- again with much squawking and flapping -- jump onto the quilt which I can quickly fold around her, pick her up and let her jump out of the quilt and into her cage. It is always a very tiring and emotionally-draining experience for me.......and I'm sure for her too! Although, in the beginning she would be traumatized for up to a week........now she is back to her friendly self in a couple hours, sometimes in just a few minutes.
One of the reasons we got Baxter was to see if that would help Bonnie become more secure with hands. I do know she is very interested in how eager he is to step out of his cage and onto my hand, and has been tempted to try it herself, but so far has not done it. She is as unpredictable with hands as she is with my face -- has actually stepped onto my finger a few times (always with the reward of getting to play kissy-face with me) -- but other times she will just bite my finger HARD. I know you said I need to have positive thoughts about her stepping onto my my finger, and I am trying to work on that!
This past week I was encouraged that after watching Baxter play on the top of his cage, Bonnie climbed onto the top of her cage and touched her toys tentatively. She climbed back and forth into and out of her cage several times through her open door. It was a step toward the goal I have had for her to be able to enjoy time out of her cage without all the trauma and drama that usually results! So I guess Baxter has already been a good influence in just one month.........and hopefully more progress will follow.
I am very eager to hear how Kyo acts around you, and what progress you have made with him, and how you have done it..........
Nancy